A Shine Of Rainbows!

            I recently rented this movie called A Shine Of Rainbows for my kids to watch.  The girls picked it out. It was rated PG so I got it. I never read what it was about.  The evening did not go as planned and it ended up just being Kyle and Belle as far as kids being home.  So around 9:00pm I told them to go lay in my bed and watch the movie so Matt and I could watch our shows.
          
            I am going to go back to September 11th 2006. I was sitting on my couch and my phone rang. I remember this because I felt like crap. I had just been put on metformin and it was making me so dizzy and nauseated.  It was a case worker from the state.  She had just picked up a little boy who needed a place to stay. I had worked with the State in teaching parenting skills to mothers who had none.  The state worker explained that she thought I would be the best placement for Kyle because I knew how manipulative his mother could be. O...and I did. She was a major drug addict, she was a thief and she would do anything for her next fix or peace and quiet while she got her next fix...Including giving her little one snuff. It calmed him but it was also very entertaining to her and her friends to watch him roll around high.
             I told the case worker I would take him.  She explained that he had no belongings except for the clothes on his back, his current diaper and his blanket.  The next few hours was a mad rush to get his room ready and buy the things a 2 and a half year old boy would need.  I remember thinking to myself all through the day. September 11th ...This is a date to never forget.  Part of me was scared thinking of the horrible events that had happened a few years back that were still so fresh in my mind.  "this is a bad sign, I feel horrible, the date, I have a messed up kid coming to live with me, what am I thinking"?  A few months ago I had told my husband I was done with foster care. My oldest daughter had spent 2 months in the hospital. The last placement we had was very stressful and I needed to focus on my kids.  My husband said he felt very strongly that we stick with it. To be honest I was irate. I felt like I was at the end of my rope and I had nothing left to give.
             I had this dream a few times that I was in a black void and I was reaching to this little boy and he was reaching for me. I could feel the eminence love we had for each other.  I always woke before I could touch him and it would leave me feeling a need or a longing for him.  I had the dream maybe 3 times always the exact thing with the exact feelings.  So there was a part of me that wondered if it was a sign that I had a son out there some where. (after the twins I could not have any more, so I knew it was not a birth child) I also wondered if the reason I could never get to him no matter how bad I wanted to was because I had my tubes tied and gave up the chance for more.

              Kyle came in to my home late afternoon on September 11th 2006. He was a  Broken 2 year old. He had diaper rash clear down to his ankles.  He was dirty and smelled of a life time of cigarette smoke had been soaked into him. He was very scared and shy.  I was a little taken back when he called me mom that very night when asking for a drink. A part of me thought "o..wow he has taken a liking to me" NOPE...I soon found out that he called everyone mom any time he wanted some thing. Kyle's definition of "MOM"   A Mom is name you call someone when you want them to get you something. This person can be male or female...they just have to be taller than you. It can also be a complete stranger as long as you are brave enough to ask them.  


             This entire chapter of my life could take days to write. So I am going to skip to the point here.


             I struggled with Kyle. He was in survival mode for a really long time. He also had visits with his bio mom for a year after we got him. This was very hard on him and me. There were days that I thought he would do better in someone Else's home. I thought maybe he needed some one softer with more time to focus just on him. In the beginning when he would get in trouble for some thing he would ask me "are you going to throw me away too"?  I came to the conclusion that this is how he felt when he got put in my home. I thought maybe without other siblings to beat on he would get in less trouble. I knew they were going to be asking me to adopt him soon as the state only gives a bio mom 12 to 18 months to prove themselves fit and get their kids back.  So if I was going to send him to a better home I needed to do it NOW.  My reaction frustration " KYLE...Leave your shoes on!...What are you doing"?  His voice more soft and tender than I remember it ever being "Mom...I am giving my socks to Belle so her feet won't be so cold" I don't know why it took me so long to see or feel it, but this was him! He was the boy in my dream. We finally touched! 
            We ended up adopting Kyle and had him sealed to our family. I am not going to lie. He was hard. He still can be. I have had to stay very firm and consistent with him.  I still have days that I question my ability to be his mother, but I guess I do that with my other kids also.  My husband and I allowed visits with his bio mom for a couple years as we knew how much Kyle missed and loved her. Although he never called her mom, I always felt like I would never truly be what she was to him. I would raise him and take care of him and I would be mom but Georgia (her name) would be the rest of the worlds definition of mom to him.  He has not seen his Georgia in almost 2 years now and seems to have forgotten about her in his mind. He will ask me about being in my tummy or about when he was a baby. I still had the thoughts that his heart was with Georgia. I would think I wish I had that bond that a mother gets when she gives birth to a baby. It binds you forever and no matter what the kids does you never question why you gave birth to them.

Adoption day

          K...My point! The movie.  About 10:30 Belle and Kyle come back down stairs. Belle says "mom that was so weird, Kyle was so quiet just watching the movie and all the sudden he started to cry...Well not cry like out loud, but I looked over at him and water was coming down his cheeks out of his eye" So I look to Kyle. He is looking at me with this deep sadness and longing. His bottom lip is quivering. His eyes are all red from crying. I ask him if he was crying. At first he says NO...Then he starts to cry again. I ask him what is wrong. He is just looking at me, so I lift him unto my lap and look him in the face and ask again.  He is so upset that he can barely get the words out..."mom...I just don't want you to ever die... I would not want to live my life without you" SOB, SOB...  I say "I don't know where that came from but I am not going anywhere"   He says  " even when I am old...I will still need you!"  Then He says "the movie was about a boy who had one mom who went away and then he got a new one and she was the best thing in his life to him and then she died"  Kyle was mentally born to me right then!  That feeling of unconditional love that I could never seem to feel, even though I knew he was where he belonged.   Funny that I needed his heart just as much as he needed mine!




             I read the back of the movie and this is what it said  "A lonely orphan's life is transformed by an extraordinary woman who teaches him to conquer grief and discover the magic in nature and himself.  "  I would not call myself by any definition extraordinary.  It humbles me to step away from my self and see what Kyle See's in me that I can not. 

My goofy son!

            I don't know if I would have let him watch it if I would have read the back to begin with, and I felt bad that I was not there to watch it with him, but it changed our hearts forever.  It was an answer to my prayers... that one day I would be what this boy needed and that is... "I already am"  

            I feel like my kids (my family) are my shine of rainbows. Each one of them  shine a different color and add to its beauty.  Each one color just as bright as the one next to it.  We have cloudy moments but when the sun is shining through and we are all together "what a thing of beauty"

The day we were sealed

Boys will be boys and girls will be girls.

            As a mother of 4 older girls ...I am trying to get use to this fact...Boys will be boys and girls will be girls!  I never had a bother myself and my dad has always been a very manly man. I know there have been occasions of laughter and joking but mostly very serious and a very hard worker. I grew up with my mother and 3 sisters.  So you can imagine the shock at having 2 young boys of my own. They act as if they are from another planet.  I have a list from my perspective....


My girls...I would rather die than anyone hear me pass gas and if the chance that I ever pee my pants, they would be changed and the proof in the washer before anyone ever had the chance to know. 
My Boys...This one is 7,  I tell him to get all his bedding to the washer so I can wash it. He has a friend show up while he is in the process.  He says "I am changing my bedding because they smell like pee...DUDE...I pee my pants. See that spot? Yep that's pee! " His friend also a boy... "ya  DUDE...I stopped peeing my pants"  Mine ..."DUDE my mom makes me go pee before bed and it helps"  Friend... "cool dude"


My girls...Come in crying...My friend said they did not want to play with me. I hold them and pat them tell them I am the only friend they need and I love them.
My boys...Some friend of his comes in crying..."Kyle Punched me in the chest" Me..."Kyle come here,  Why did you punch your friend?"  KYLE "because he said he did not want to play with me"


My girls..."mom these shoes make my feet stink, can I throw them away?"
My boys..."I don't care if these shoes make my feet smell like I died and they have holes in them. I don't have to tie them and they are the most comfortable."


My girls...After a couple bites of food "Mom I am full can I be done eating?"
My boys...After 7 eggs, one peanut butter sandwich and a pediasure drink ...that's just my 7 year old. "mom can I have another sandwich?" Where the heck do they put it all?


My girls..."can we all be in gymnastics, so we can learn to do cartwheels and dance around?"
My boys..."can we be in karate so we can learn how to be ultimate fighters?"  Do they ever stop wanting to fight and wrestle?


My girls..."I am going to grow my hair out to my butt. I know I am only 10 but can I wear makeup to school yet?" 
My boys..."will you shave my hair off, so the girls will stop pulling it when they want me to go somewhere?" Me "your hair is like a half inch, I am not shaving it again"  BOY..."and mom, I am glad I am not an Indian because other people hunt them and I would not want to be hunted while I am sleeping" ... ME ..."Really, where did that come from? could you be any more random?"


My girls..."wanna play barbies"?
My boys..."lets play army guys, they can dive off the rim of the toilet into the water and then we can try flushing them and see if they survive" "O.. that guy went down, Lets see if we put a bunch of clothes and some shoes in, then we will shut the lids and flush"  Me later..."uummm, why is the toilet full of your clothes and shoes, and what is stuck in there.  "?  HIM...Shoulders shrugging and arms and hands out, look of total confusion "ummm...I forgot"  Later the next day while taking the toilet out of the floor to fix it" HIM..."mom, can I have my toys back that didn't go down because the bar of soap stopped it from going down all the way"?  






Gotta love Em all, but man o man do the boys know how to push your buttons and the girls know how to melt your heart!  I will post again in 5 years and I am sure the tables will be turned!
  

An afternoon at Antelope Island!

Pals!

Grandma and grandpa came all the way from Texas to spend spring break with the grandkids.  Saturday turned out to be a perfect weather day. We all decided to head to Antelope Island. Of all the years living in Utah this is the first time we have gone to Antelope Island. It is an amazing place to visit.

Grandma and Grandpa

Abby "Gosh ...I wish dad would have brought his gun so he could shoot that and bring it home"
There are around 700 buffalo on the island!

Kyle "Mom can you take a picture of me with my drink, so I never forget what I drank today" 

Hattie and Belle

Abby looking  out  to getting a closer view!

The View!
This water is 28% salt. They say you float like a cork in the water because it is so dense. The ocean is  only 3% salt.

Can I see? He had just jumped up and smacked his head on the view finder.

Grandma Geri, Avri and Hattie

Grandma and Hattie...Love this one!

Grandpa Kent With a few of the grandkids!

Cool looking picture!

Healthy Chicken Meat Balls Recipe

            I was at Costco today and they had samples of chicken meatballs. I almost bought them but for $5.00 a pound I decided to try my own.  I searched the web when I got home and did not find anything that was healthy or low carb. So I came up with my own!  Not only was my creation just as tasty, but they did not even compare in nutrition.  This recipe is basically carb free, and very low fat, low sodium and no preservatives.

Here is what you will need!

 Cut 6 boneless skinless chicken breasts into chunks put in processor, Add 2 eggs and process. The eggs help it blend a little easier, but can be added later or not at all.

Looks nasty.

Add 1 red bell pepper and 2 round TBLS of minced garlic to processor and process.

Then transfer to a good size bowel.

Throw in 10-12 cups of fresh spinach process...

Add 1 cup of feta cheese, about 2 TBLS basil ( I used dry because that was all I had)

Dump all this into your bowel of chicken!

Add about a quarter cup dry onion flakes. ( I wanted the onion chunks to be a little bigger) You can blend them if you just want the flavor without texture.

Sprinkle salt and pepper to your liking. I tried one batch with no salt and it needed salt. Although the feta cheese seems to add a bit of a salty flavor. 

Mix everything together!

Looks like pesto....

It is going to be to gooey to work with, unless you add bread crumbs. (which you can do) 

Spray a cookie sheet with vegetable oil and put spoonfuls of chicken in rows.  Remember they are not cookies and they will actually shrink in size, so you can put them pretty close together.

Bake for 10 minutes at 425. Then put on top rack and broil until browned to your desire. I turned my first batch but you don't have to!

Finished!

These were so yummy!
All my kids loved them. The best part is...Everything in this recipe is healthy.

I just ate the chicken balls by themselves (as I am on a low fat low carb diet)

For the kids I made some orzo and red sauce then added the chicken balls on top.   Not a wet bowel in the house tonight!

We all liked these so much that I decided while I had all the stuff out I may as well make a few more batches.   Diets are so much easier when you have food ready to eat.  I added Jalapeno to one batch.  Added a kick but not as good!  I also tried a batch without the egg. Although it did turn out, I liked the lighter spongy effect the eggs gave to the first batch.
I also tried some curry powder in one batch (as we love curry) Although it smelled delicious...The first batch was the best! My hubby loved the curry one's.

The possibilities are endless!

I am an idiot...but I am so proud!

Fun Waffle pizza!

               I have been wanting to try something new with my waffle maker, because we never eat waffles. I figured it cooks bread...Right! So I was outside working away and realized it was dinner time and I had a few of the kids friends over. They had been helping me pluck rocks out of my grass, so I wanted to let them eat over and try something different.
Dough recipe
3 cups of flour
1 TBLS yeast
2 TBLS oil
1 tsp salt
1TBL sugar
1 cup of water/ you can also use milk or half milk half water.
1 egg (optional)
1/2 tsp baking powder (optional)

Dissolve yeast and sugar into bowel. Add egg, oil and salt (mix well) Put in 2 cups of flour and then work the dough as you go to get the consistency so you can form the dough without it sticking to you. If you feel like you are adding to much flour try pouring a little oil in your hands and then work the dough.  Knead the dough until nice and ....you know what it should look like!  Roll it out AND....


 Throw that dough on, clamp the waffle maker down and cook it like a waffle. Add  your sauce and toppings (I chopped my pepperoni up so it would fall into the holes instead of covering them)and then bake  on 425 until  melted (the crust should be cooked through when you take it out of the waffle maker) so you can stick it on the top rack if you are in a hurry. If you want it more crispy then let it cook in the middle rack for about 10 minutes and WALLA... OMG....it was so yummy!  You have this crust that is soft and crunchy and the pockets of the waffle maker give you uneven sauce and cheese ...creating the perfect bite!

I put the toppings in this on and then folded it over. The sauce bubbled out before it was done,   so I did a second one and left the sauce out. After it came out of the waffle maker, I put a layer of sauce and cheese on the top and baked it for a few minutes. 

              The kids asked for dessert, and I had a ton of dough left (I more than doubled my batch) so I rolled out more threw it on the waffle maker. Then topped it with butter and honey! It was like a healthier version of the scone. (Just minus the grease) both pizza and scones were a huge hit! One of the kids friends said "I was the coolest friend mom"   Big hit ...  And best of all it was so easy! I have a hot roll mix that I keep in a huge 5 gallon bucket that would work for the crust as well. All you do is add egg and water to it. I will post that recipe later!   I had tripled the amount of dough. I fed 8 starved kids, 2 adults and I brought one of each over to a neighbor to try. I still have three whole pizzas left over and I gave a chunk of dough to my neighbor to try out.

Life saver Pancake mix

I double this recipe and then keep it in a huge container. I have found that this recipe tastes better than store bought and it is way cheaper.    
10 Cups of all purpose flour
2 1/2 cups of instant non fat dry milk
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup baking powder
2 tbls salt


When you are ready to make the pancakes you just add your wet ingredients.  I do not measure. The thing that is good about this recipe is. You can add just water if that is all you have and they will turn out.  I like to add a couple eggs, oil and milk.
I will drop in a few chocolate chips after I flip one side. I have also used apple sauce, berries of all kinds and pumpkin puree for the liquid. I still add the egg but not oil.

If you are not good at just throwing stuff in. 1 1/2 cup of mix. 1 egg, 1 cup of water, and 3 tables of oil.

for puff oven pan cakes
4 tbls butter or margarine, 4 eggs, 2/3 cup milk, 2/3 cup mix. heat oven 450.  put 2 tables of butter into 2 9 inch pie plates. in blender combine remaining ingredients. pour batter into plates bake for 18 minutes or until golden brown and puffy.  You can top it with any type of fruit topping.

I have also used this mix for waffles. I just use less water and add an extra egg.

I usually make a double batch of pancakes in the morning and the kids snack on them or eat the rest the next day. I have made 4-5 batches at once let them cool on a cookie rack and then freeze them. You have toaster pancakes! They freeze very nicely.

Canned Chicken today!

As a mother of 6 kids canning meat is a life saver. I usually don't spend more than $1.49 a pound for boneless skinless chicken breast. Canning your own Chicken is so much cheaper than buying it at the store. I have also bought canned chicken from the LDS cannery and I think my canned chicken tastes better or just the same.
SO today I did the chicken a little bit different than usual. I usually just use all boneless skinless chicken breast and I trim any fat that I see off. I was told that it is the fat that gives the chicken it flavor and you need some fat to flavor it. I love the darker chicken flavors the best. I found boneless skinless chicken thighs for $1.05 a pound so I trimmed as much fat off a whole bag of that (they were pretty fatty) then I cut up 3 family packs of all white meat. I did trim the big pieces of fat off just because I had fat from the dark meat as well.
So here is the directions if you would like to try it yourself! First you do need a pressure cooker. Meat can't be canned in a steam bath!
Get your jars and wash them out. Get your lids ready and set it all aside. I like to put my canning funnel on the jar and just put the meat in as I cut it up. The funnel keeps any meat from getting on the mouth of the jar. You are going to want to leave about a quarter inch space from the bottom of the last ring in the jar. After you have filled all your jars add 1 tsp of salt to each jar. Then add water, fill it up just to the point where the lid rings start. Then take a spatula or butter knife and work all the air pockets out. Gently push the knife around through the chicken until the bubbles and pockets are gone. Make sure you don't have any salt or chicken on the mouth of the jar. Make sure your lids are clean. Then put your lids on. Don't screw your lids down to tight. Put your jars in the caner, add enough water so that it is about a quarter high up the jars. Make sure your pressure caner lid is on securely and get to cook in. You are going to want to cook it for 90 minutes from the time the pressure is at the right spot.
When it is done just let it naturally cool on the stove. If you try to cool it in the sink to get the lid off you will loose the liquid in your jars. They say if it is canned properly it should be good for 1-2 years. Mine never lasts more than 6 months. I have also done pork and beef and you pretty much follow the same steps.

A day of target shooting and rock hunting with my girls!

Someone gave me a cloth bag of really cool rocks from around the world this last week. I had baried my love for rock collecting around the age of 12. I use to have these piles of rocks that I thought were so cool that were really just gravel. Hattie and the twins have found the same hobbies. The funny thing is....We have a deal that if I have to go clean the bedrooms, I get to throw away whatever I want too. I always throw out the rocks sitting on the dressers and the big grocery bags full of rocks. It was not until this last week that I felt a little guilty about that, because I had forgotten how much I loved my ugly rocks a as a kid. So I put all these pretty rocks that this person gave me on my piano and for the last few days my kids have been trying their darnedest to find some rock that measures up to those so they could include them with the piano rocks. Me feeling a spark of my love for rocks. Knowing that my kids have a love for rocks and thinking I don't want rocks from my drive way sitting on my piano. I decided on a rock hunt adventure.
It turned out that it was just Hattie, Belle and Me. I got on line and found a possible cool spot over by the shooting range on the west side of Utah lake. We packed up a few things and last minute I grabbed a box of 22 shells, my Rugger 22 and some paper targets...just in case the rock thing didn't work out.
So we drove to the first spot...Total disappointment. Then started around the lake. This did not start off in our favor either as I got pulled over and got my first speeding ticket in like 9 years...Great way to start off our day! We tried the cove I read about but there was way to many target shooters and rocks are not worth any of our lives. So we decided to drive down the road a little further. We found a dirt road turn off. We parked a couple of time and walked around with no rocks worthy of the piano. Onward ...we finally decided just to set up the target and shoot ...Seeing how the day started out and was still going with luck probley not the best idea. I taught Hattie how to load, unload, line up her targets and shoot a 22 riffle. She was way off the first couple shots but got the hang of it and was at least hitting the paper. Then it was Belles turn. She was smaller than the gun and could not hold it on her own. I gave her about 4 shots before the kick was to much for her shoulder....Funny because I remember that kick when I was tiny. I think shooting it now "how the heck did that ever knock my shoulder at all?" We could have drove home and been perfectly happy at that point but decided to pull off the road and hike up to a ridge of rocks.
We walked up this mountainside that had all these ridges in it. I kept saying "this must have been an old dumping sight"... but "How the heck did they get all these huge slabs up here?" Turns out that it is shelving from 100k years ago that was created from water. Pretty cool! We ended up making it all the way to the top of this ridge. We found a big blast spot or something that was all white granite hidden underneath what looked like grass and dirt. It was amazing. We also found this old rusted out bus. From the looks of the tail lights it was really, really old. It looked as though someone had lived in it. There was 2 sets of iron bunk beds in the back, an old wooded shelf about to fall from the wall and a rusted out old wood cook stove.

All in all, Speeding ticket aside...We had a great day! We came home with some really neat rocks. We saw some awesome fossils of old reef. We also found 3 white almost completely clear crystals that are piano worthy. Let me just throw in how heavy the back pack was! We hiked about a half mile up to this ridge. We had a hammer, water and a few other things in it. We were putting rocks in as we hiked up. Before we hiked back down I told the girls they had to leave some rocks behind. They would not all fit in this big back pack. Belle says as we are leaving "I will carry it for awhile for you" She could not even lift it off the ground it was so heavy. Needless to say the rocks that fit stayed and I got a workout of a life time! And I only fell down the hill once. Swollen ankle, bruised shin, nicks and tiny cuts in both arms and hands, but we have rocks : ) O...and Hattie says she is more than likely the only girl in her class that knows how to shoot a riffle all by herself, and better yet her mom is the one who taught her. She wants her own now...in pink!